Our Page Sucks

Maybe, but there are things that you can easily do to make it look better until we get a clue. Follow the easy instructions if you're suffering from any of the issues below.

Your frickin' page is too damn wide - Bullshit! Your resolution is too low! If you have any version of Windows (98/ME/NT/XP/etc) this is easy to fix. 1. Minimize all open windows (after reading these instructions of course.) 2. Using your right mouse button, click once on an empty area on your desktop. (The "My Computer" icon and other such icons are not examples of empty desktop real estate. Likewise, the left mouse button is not a good substitute for the right one in this case.) 3. Click on "Properties" (with either button!) 4. Click on the "Settings" tab towards the top of the "Display Properties" window. 5. Using your left mouse button and the ever-complicated click-and-drag technique, move the "Screen area" slider thingy one, two, or even three notches to the right. (This is sort of like "salt and pepper to taste," so use that better judgment your parents always told you you had.) 6. Click the "OK" button. 7. Voila! Enjoy the web as it was meant to be in the twenty-first century.

Your lame page isn't too wide, but it looks all disjointed and otherwise jacked up - Whatever. Are you blind? Nutscrcape and Internet Exploder both have controls for font size. Some blind kook set yours too high. In the latest version of Mozilla or NS, click "view" and then change the "text size" to 100% or smaller. In the latest IE release, click "view" and then change the "text size" to "Medium" or smaller. Or, if you're al smart and stuff, send us the correct CSS tags to keep our font size where we want it. Sure, we could use google to learn this in a few minutes, but maybe you know the CSS stuff already and just want to tell us. Right?

But when I follow the advice above, I can't see. It's so tiny - It's time to get a new pair of glasses and a larger monitor. Don't be such a cheapskate.

Nope, something else sucks about you page - Try upgrading to the latest version of Mozilla, Netscape or even sucky Internet Explorer. You'll be happier when you do.

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© 2004 Cactus Pears

if this page is too wide to fit on your screen or otherwise looks fucked up, click here